I am frustrated. I should be going back to work within the month so we are looking for childcare options for Mina. Turns out, the first four years can be as expensive as sending your kid to college... a moderately expensive college. I'm sure Ben and I would qualify for some sort of government assistance but I don't really want to apply as I don't think we should have to use that and it will probably take six months and a lot of headaches getting the application processed by which time one of us may have gotten a raise and we'd have to start over again.
I had a brilliant plan to deal with this problem. Ben and I could work offset shifts so we would only need daycare for 3-4 hours each day. But I was overlooking something. I assumed that daycare centers wanted to do all they could to meet the needs of the parents. Turns out they do all they can for parents who work 9-5 monday through friday and don't go into work on federal holidays (even the small ones like Columbus Day) or in inclement weather. They also assume your kid never gets sick and if she does, you can drop everything and be there to pick her up within the hour. Wouldn't it be nice if that actually even remotely resembled how the world worked? Most daycares in our area have a rate for full-time daycare but won't take children for part day since it disrupts the schedule. I also have yet to find one that is open on Saturdays. I don't expect all daycares to cater to my family's personal needs. I did expect to find some recognized people other than businessmen might want to put children in daycare.
Instead, we may have to find a nanny. The average hourly pay for nannies in DC is $15-$18. I really want Mina to get the best care possible when I'm not around but from a practical standpoint, I cannot pay a nanny more than what I'm making in an hour. It just doesn't make sense. This leaves me with a difficult conundrum, one probably faced by many lower income moms. The question is no longer "Can I afford to stay home," but is instead, "Can I afford to go back to work?" The sad conclusion is that it is going to be really difficult to afford either. And I thought getting a job would be the hard part.
So for now we have some difficult decisions to make. If we do hire a nanny, it would only be for a few hours so we can afford it. I actually liked the idea of Mina going to daycare and being with other babies though, so I will keep looking to see if any do half-days or are open on Saturdays. It probably doesn't help that we are looking in downtown DC where everything seems to shut down on the weekends. Wish us luck.
It would be a lot easier for me to overlook this problem if it were just a difficulty for our family. I'm guessing it's a problem that faces many, especially lower income families who would struggle to afford daycare anyway and don't get such luxuries as paid sick days or vacation time they could use to take care of their kids. I'm not trying to suggest that nannies are greedy or don't deserve what they are making (well not all nannies, the one asking for $25/hour is an exception). I also don't think daycare workers make extravagant salaries. I just see a problem and maybe it's a little naive, but I think there has to be a way we can fix it. Suggestions anyone?
Monday, August 26, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Bigger on the Inside (I wish)
Mina was about three months old when I finally caved. I'd rewatched "How I Met Your Mother" countless times. I even tried the Netflix original "House of Cards"which turned out to be a good choice. But by three months (nearly five months since I'd been off work), I ran out of shows. So I did something I told myself I wouldn't. I watched "Rose," episode one of the new "Doctor Who." It was okay but I wasn't sure I understood the obsession with this show. So I watched episode 2 and then 3. And then the binge-watching began. Season 2 started getting really good. Somehow, a month or so later, I ran out of episodes to watch on Netflix (6 series of episodes) so I re-watched them all with Ben and got him hooked too. While watching, I noticed something. Mina was mesmerized by the opening sequence of the TARDIS flying through space. I had seen a TARDIS-themed cloth diaper made by Seams Geeky (if you are into anything geekery do NOT check this out - I am warning you). Unfortunately we didn't have diaper money, and her dipes are super hard to get. But then I saw a galaxy print PUL for sale from Diaper Sewing supplies and found a TARDIS patch on Etsy from PrincessHeirlooms and this is what happened.
It is definitely not perfect but it is really cute and is pretty effective at holding in poop and pee which is more than I can say for my last attempt at a pocket diaper (cute but leaks). I also used buttonhole elastic so it can be sized to grow with Mina but doesn't have a bunch of ugly snaps in the front. Using this elastic in both the legs and the waist makes for a really perfect fit. I'm really happy I made this even though it probably wasn't the most cost/time effective way to get a TARDIS diaper. Next project is making a blue tutu which should be much easier and cheaper.
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| Time and Relative Dimension in Space: T.A.R.D.I.S. |
It is definitely not perfect but it is really cute and is pretty effective at holding in poop and pee which is more than I can say for my last attempt at a pocket diaper (cute but leaks). I also used buttonhole elastic so it can be sized to grow with Mina but doesn't have a bunch of ugly snaps in the front. Using this elastic in both the legs and the waist makes for a really perfect fit. I'm really happy I made this even though it probably wasn't the most cost/time effective way to get a TARDIS diaper. Next project is making a blue tutu which should be much easier and cheaper.
Friday, August 16, 2013
Feeding the Family
I could write a meaningful, reflective piece about how sad it is to put away Mina's 3-6 month clothes or about balancing my career goals with being a mom as I search for a job OR I could write about my delicious dinner last night. Dinner it is.
Last night Ben was home and I had a dilemma - I had no plans for dinner. I had some sweet potato tots in the freezer I could use as a side but nothing for the main course and I didn't want to go to the store. I decided to go with an old standby, black bean burgers. I love these because I almost always have a can of beans on hand (you can use pinto or even chickpeas) and the rest of the ingredients can be adjusted based on your tastes and what you happen to have in the fridge or pantry. Also, they are really quick and easy to make.
To begin, I made hamburger buns. You can use any bread you have on hand, but we didn't have much left so I wanted to make buns. I had very little time as I started thinking about dinner around 5:00. Luckily, an internet search yielded this tutorial from Taste of Home for quick hamburger buns. From the point of view of a pastry chef, it makes an extra-yeasty and not very flavorful bun, but as a mom who wants to get dinner on the table in an hour, it is a lifesaver and pretty tasty too.
Now for the burgers. I always start with a can of beans (any kind), an egg, bread crumbs, and salt/pepper. Everything else can be adjusted based on what is available. I don't usually measure my ingredients either. This is a rough recipe but make yours to taste. I also will use different seasonings based on the beans; I use - curry and paprika with chickpeas, for example.
Black Bean Burgers
1 can black beans (drained and rinsed)
1 egg
bread crumbs (2-4 Tbsp)
1/4 cup coarsely chopped onion (optional but good)
Salt (approx 1 tsp)
Pepper (1/2 tsp)
Cayenne (1/8 tsp)
Chili Powder (1/2 tsp)
- Reserve 1/4 of the black beans and set aside. Place the remaining black beans in a food processor along with the onion and egg. Process until smooth.
- Add bread crumbs and process until you get a mold-able consistency (runnier than cookie dough but thicker than muffin batter, you just need to be able to form it into a patty)
- Season to taste.
- Stir in the remaining whole black beans.
- Heat up a skillet over medium heat and add oil to coat the bottom.
- form patties and cook in skillet, 2-3 minutes on each side until nicely browned
We topped our burgers with pepper cheese and sweet sauteed peppers. A winning combination with chickpea burgers is goat cheese, caramelized onions and a blueberry balsamic glaze. This is an easy dinner that anyone can do with whatever ingredients are on hand. So it is great for people like me who are terrible at planning out meals at the beginning of the week (I envy my mom's skill at this). It is hard to share recipes since I don't really measure things out but I hope this makes sense. Just keep tasting and you will reach something delicious. Enjoy!
Last night Ben was home and I had a dilemma - I had no plans for dinner. I had some sweet potato tots in the freezer I could use as a side but nothing for the main course and I didn't want to go to the store. I decided to go with an old standby, black bean burgers. I love these because I almost always have a can of beans on hand (you can use pinto or even chickpeas) and the rest of the ingredients can be adjusted based on your tastes and what you happen to have in the fridge or pantry. Also, they are really quick and easy to make.
To begin, I made hamburger buns. You can use any bread you have on hand, but we didn't have much left so I wanted to make buns. I had very little time as I started thinking about dinner around 5:00. Luckily, an internet search yielded this tutorial from Taste of Home for quick hamburger buns. From the point of view of a pastry chef, it makes an extra-yeasty and not very flavorful bun, but as a mom who wants to get dinner on the table in an hour, it is a lifesaver and pretty tasty too.
Now for the burgers. I always start with a can of beans (any kind), an egg, bread crumbs, and salt/pepper. Everything else can be adjusted based on what is available. I don't usually measure my ingredients either. This is a rough recipe but make yours to taste. I also will use different seasonings based on the beans; I use - curry and paprika with chickpeas, for example.
Black Bean Burgers
1 can black beans (drained and rinsed)
1 egg
bread crumbs (2-4 Tbsp)
1/4 cup coarsely chopped onion (optional but good)
Salt (approx 1 tsp)
Pepper (1/2 tsp)
Cayenne (1/8 tsp)
Chili Powder (1/2 tsp)
- Reserve 1/4 of the black beans and set aside. Place the remaining black beans in a food processor along with the onion and egg. Process until smooth.
- Add bread crumbs and process until you get a mold-able consistency (runnier than cookie dough but thicker than muffin batter, you just need to be able to form it into a patty)
- Season to taste.
- Stir in the remaining whole black beans.
- Heat up a skillet over medium heat and add oil to coat the bottom.
- form patties and cook in skillet, 2-3 minutes on each side until nicely browned
We topped our burgers with pepper cheese and sweet sauteed peppers. A winning combination with chickpea burgers is goat cheese, caramelized onions and a blueberry balsamic glaze. This is an easy dinner that anyone can do with whatever ingredients are on hand. So it is great for people like me who are terrible at planning out meals at the beginning of the week (I envy my mom's skill at this). It is hard to share recipes since I don't really measure things out but I hope this makes sense. Just keep tasting and you will reach something delicious. Enjoy!
 |
| Yum! |
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Feeding the Beast
August is National Breastfeeding Month. Today, August 15, is supposed to be a public breastfeeding day. I may or may not breastfeed in public depending on whether or not we go out for a few hours and whether Mina gets hungry, since it is really all about feeding your baby. I did think this would be a good opportunity to share a bit about Mina's feeding journey.
A few weeks ago at Disney World, I realized how far we had come. I was really nervous about having to take time out and find a place to feed Mina several times since we'd be gone all day. In the end, it was so credibly easy and comfortable. But let's start at the beginning.
Shortly after Mina was born, she needed to eat. It amazed me that she knew exactly what to do right away even though I really had no clue what I was doing. I thought feeding Mina would be so easy. I wasn't exactly prepared for the next few weeks. I definitely didn't think it would be nearly impossible to wake her up to feed her but she was (and still is) a very sound sleeper. The next surprise came on Mina's third day of life when I had to go to urgent care for an epidural complication. Due to me being unable to sit up and receiving morphine, Mina had formula that whole day. I panicked that my milk was never going to come in and Mina wasn't getting enough nutrition because of all the things I'd read about formula destroying breastfeeding. Guess what? Mina didn't grow any extra limbs and my milk still came in that same evening and everyone was happy.
The next several weeks were a bit rough. We didn't experience any major problems, but it is strange being someone else's food source. I went from feeling like a vending machine to viewing Mina as a tiny vampire sucking the life out of me (I guess her name is from Dracula). I had to remove onions from my diet and experimented taking out dairy, soy and eggs but decided it wasn't worth it. I ended up being so grateful for the free bottles of formula the hospital gave us. Other than that day in urgent care, I think I only used three or four of them but they were at the most crucial moments. The night I found out I shouldn't eat onions, Mina couldn't keep any of my milk down. It was the only way she could get eat. At other points, I was ready to give up on breastfeeding and even being a mother. It was such a blessing that Ben could take the baby and a bottle and help out until I could get my crazy post-baby emotions in check. By month three, everything had gotten so much easier. My body figured out how much milk Mina needed and when and I (sort of) determined the difference between hungry and other cries.
The only remaining struggle was breastfeeding while we were out of the house. I tried blankets, but Mina would just kick and pull them off. They were also keeping her way to warm in the summer months in DC. Then I discovered how to use clothes to my advantage. I have several lightweight scarves that I can easily add to an outfit. They keep me covered without making me or Mina hotter. Another winning outfit combo was a stretchy tank top underneath that can be pulled down while the top shirt is pulled up. I found when I used my outfits like this, hardly anyone even noticed, I was feeding Mina (I confused a waitress once when the baby just disappeared). More importantly, both Mina and I were comfortable. I hear a lot of stories of women being asked to leave places because they are breastfeeding, but this has not been my experience. I have fed Mina in museums, on a plane, at Disney World, in front of the US capitol, in restaurants and many other places.
Although difficult at first, feeding my baby has become second nature over the past six months. I don't know what we will do when I go back to work as pumping may not be feasible in a restaurant setting, but we can figure that out when we get there. Mina is now eating oatmeal, fruits and veggies as well and she is loving them. I guess Mina has not been exclusively breastfed since birth but she has been loved, she has been fed, and she has been happy. I support feeding your baby whenever, wherever and however, you need to. This is the story of how things have gone for Mina and I but I'm sure it is different for everyone. I hope this can encourage others to do what is best for them.
A few weeks ago at Disney World, I realized how far we had come. I was really nervous about having to take time out and find a place to feed Mina several times since we'd be gone all day. In the end, it was so credibly easy and comfortable. But let's start at the beginning.
Shortly after Mina was born, she needed to eat. It amazed me that she knew exactly what to do right away even though I really had no clue what I was doing. I thought feeding Mina would be so easy. I wasn't exactly prepared for the next few weeks. I definitely didn't think it would be nearly impossible to wake her up to feed her but she was (and still is) a very sound sleeper. The next surprise came on Mina's third day of life when I had to go to urgent care for an epidural complication. Due to me being unable to sit up and receiving morphine, Mina had formula that whole day. I panicked that my milk was never going to come in and Mina wasn't getting enough nutrition because of all the things I'd read about formula destroying breastfeeding. Guess what? Mina didn't grow any extra limbs and my milk still came in that same evening and everyone was happy.
The next several weeks were a bit rough. We didn't experience any major problems, but it is strange being someone else's food source. I went from feeling like a vending machine to viewing Mina as a tiny vampire sucking the life out of me (I guess her name is from Dracula). I had to remove onions from my diet and experimented taking out dairy, soy and eggs but decided it wasn't worth it. I ended up being so grateful for the free bottles of formula the hospital gave us. Other than that day in urgent care, I think I only used three or four of them but they were at the most crucial moments. The night I found out I shouldn't eat onions, Mina couldn't keep any of my milk down. It was the only way she could get eat. At other points, I was ready to give up on breastfeeding and even being a mother. It was such a blessing that Ben could take the baby and a bottle and help out until I could get my crazy post-baby emotions in check. By month three, everything had gotten so much easier. My body figured out how much milk Mina needed and when and I (sort of) determined the difference between hungry and other cries.
The only remaining struggle was breastfeeding while we were out of the house. I tried blankets, but Mina would just kick and pull them off. They were also keeping her way to warm in the summer months in DC. Then I discovered how to use clothes to my advantage. I have several lightweight scarves that I can easily add to an outfit. They keep me covered without making me or Mina hotter. Another winning outfit combo was a stretchy tank top underneath that can be pulled down while the top shirt is pulled up. I found when I used my outfits like this, hardly anyone even noticed, I was feeding Mina (I confused a waitress once when the baby just disappeared). More importantly, both Mina and I were comfortable. I hear a lot of stories of women being asked to leave places because they are breastfeeding, but this has not been my experience. I have fed Mina in museums, on a plane, at Disney World, in front of the US capitol, in restaurants and many other places.
Although difficult at first, feeding my baby has become second nature over the past six months. I don't know what we will do when I go back to work as pumping may not be feasible in a restaurant setting, but we can figure that out when we get there. Mina is now eating oatmeal, fruits and veggies as well and she is loving them. I guess Mina has not been exclusively breastfed since birth but she has been loved, she has been fed, and she has been happy. I support feeding your baby whenever, wherever and however, you need to. This is the story of how things have gone for Mina and I but I'm sure it is different for everyone. I hope this can encourage others to do what is best for them.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Never Let Go
I love watching Mina grow. The past few months her grasping motion has improved so much. It is fun to watch her intentionally grab her toys and move them closer to her, usually to her mouth. It is not fun when she practices grabbing my hair, even less fun when she goes for the neck and least fun when she decides my eyes look fun to grab. I put up with a lot of this abuse, but everyone has a breaking point. When Ben is home, he helps me unclench Mina's fingers from my skin. When it is just me, I repeat "No" and "ow" in the hope that Mina might realize that she is hurting Mommy. It hasn't worked yet.
These are not little love pinches either. Mina has nails and she knows how to use them. Sometimes I think her hands have turned into claws. When Mina grabs hold, she holds on tight and she is never letting go. The funny thing is, neither am I. If I am carrying my baby upstairs to change her diaper and she clenches the skin on my neck between her fingers, I will not drop her. I may want to drop her (just a natural reaction to pain, I would never dream of intentionally hurting my baby), but I hold on, because I love her.
Over the past few weeks this endless pinching has been a huge source of frustration. But yesterday in church, we sang "You Never Let Go" and I was left with a beautiful picture. A picture of God not only as Father but as Mother too. Holding on, never letting go of us no matter how often we pinch, kick, bite, scream or grab. We, unlike baby Mina, know what we are doing, it is intentional. Yet God, the best mother, still loves us, still holds us and never dreams of letting go.
I confess I don't think I have that kind of love. When Mina pinches me, I get frustrated and a little angry, even though I know she isn't trying to hurt me. But it is reassuring to know that I am loved so intensely. That ultimate example of motherly love gives me the strength to keep mothering on, even when it hurts. Besides, Mina has an adorable, heart-melting smile. It is impossible to stay upset with her for long.
These are not little love pinches either. Mina has nails and she knows how to use them. Sometimes I think her hands have turned into claws. When Mina grabs hold, she holds on tight and she is never letting go. The funny thing is, neither am I. If I am carrying my baby upstairs to change her diaper and she clenches the skin on my neck between her fingers, I will not drop her. I may want to drop her (just a natural reaction to pain, I would never dream of intentionally hurting my baby), but I hold on, because I love her.
Over the past few weeks this endless pinching has been a huge source of frustration. But yesterday in church, we sang "You Never Let Go" and I was left with a beautiful picture. A picture of God not only as Father but as Mother too. Holding on, never letting go of us no matter how often we pinch, kick, bite, scream or grab. We, unlike baby Mina, know what we are doing, it is intentional. Yet God, the best mother, still loves us, still holds us and never dreams of letting go.
I confess I don't think I have that kind of love. When Mina pinches me, I get frustrated and a little angry, even though I know she isn't trying to hurt me. But it is reassuring to know that I am loved so intensely. That ultimate example of motherly love gives me the strength to keep mothering on, even when it hurts. Besides, Mina has an adorable, heart-melting smile. It is impossible to stay upset with her for long.
Friday, August 9, 2013
Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Stuff
Today is Mina's half birthday! I know I still have a long way to go as far as raising a daughter, but it seems like a big milestone. On February 9, six months seemed so far away. There were days (and nights) I thought we would never make it. Other times, I felt Mina was getting so big so fast. It's funny how time works like that, always playing tricks on us. I am going to review some of the high and low points, the hours when time stood still and the moments that so quickly slipped away.
I can't describe the feeling when my baby girl was placed in my arms for the first time. It was a sort of euphoric disbelief. I was truly in awe. The next 24 hours would bring more of that feeling but also plenty of pain and frustration. These past six months have been a balance of all these emotions as I watch Mina grow.
During her second and third months, I spent my last hours of the evening with a fussy baby thinking Ben would never come home. During the same period, she began rewarding me with smiles when I came to get her up in the morning. Those smiles were so much better than my morning cup of coffee at waking me up and preparing me to face the day.
I really try to cherish every moment with my beautiful girl, but Mina's fourth month dragged on forever. One day, she stopped napping in the afternoon. I thought she would never nap again. It was just two or three weeks but it felt longer than the previous three months of Mina's life.
Each new week over the past six months has brought new challenges and new joys. Some of those firsts (smiling, laughing, eating solids) I would love to relive again. Other moments, I could have happily gone without. But life has to be lived. I don't get to manipulate time and see what Mina will be like in another six months. I just get to be with her right now and right now she is a beautiful, happy baby girl and I could not love her more.
I can't describe the feeling when my baby girl was placed in my arms for the first time. It was a sort of euphoric disbelief. I was truly in awe. The next 24 hours would bring more of that feeling but also plenty of pain and frustration. These past six months have been a balance of all these emotions as I watch Mina grow.
During her second and third months, I spent my last hours of the evening with a fussy baby thinking Ben would never come home. During the same period, she began rewarding me with smiles when I came to get her up in the morning. Those smiles were so much better than my morning cup of coffee at waking me up and preparing me to face the day.
I really try to cherish every moment with my beautiful girl, but Mina's fourth month dragged on forever. One day, she stopped napping in the afternoon. I thought she would never nap again. It was just two or three weeks but it felt longer than the previous three months of Mina's life.
Each new week over the past six months has brought new challenges and new joys. Some of those firsts (smiling, laughing, eating solids) I would love to relive again. Other moments, I could have happily gone without. But life has to be lived. I don't get to manipulate time and see what Mina will be like in another six months. I just get to be with her right now and right now she is a beautiful, happy baby girl and I could not love her more.
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| Wilhelmina at 6 months |
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