A Mirror is Harder to Hold

A few interesting things happen when you are alone with no one to talk to a baby who cannot comprehend a word you are saying. One of these is a small dose of insanity, but the other day I saw another effect: I cannot hide from my flaws.
I want Mina to feel loved and I'd also like her to learn to talk a little ways down the road so when she is awake I try to talk to her as much as possible. I just tell her about my day, how I'm feeling and how much I love her... it's kind of like therapy. But sometimes during my monologues, I stop myself to rephrase things. I am saying things I don't want her to learn. It's not like I slip obscenities into every other sentence but the way I describe people and situations isn't ideal.
Yesterday I started telling Wilhelmina about the "stupid people at health and human services" then quickly edited myself. Do the people there frustrate me? Yes. Does that mean they are stupid? Maybe. But should I actually say that about someone? Probably not. If I pick Mina up from daycare in a couple years and she tells me about the "stupid" kids there will I reprimand her? Most likely. If my voice is the one she hears most of the day, I want to say positive things.
I wonder who is really learning to speak in this situation? I am trying to give her words but she is helping me. In the face of such innocence, all my "small" faults seem so much bigger. I am learning a new way of thinking, speaking and seeing the world. And I thought being a mom was about learning how to change diapers, rock a baby to sleep, and do laundry more efficiently. It turns out motherhood, like all of life, is just an opportunity to grow into a better human being, closer to what God meant for us to be.

A Mirror is Harder to Hold
- Jon Foreman

You could stay a while longer
We could stay up and talk about last summer
We could go down to the water
Watch the sunset going under
It's not that I'm a stranger to lonely moments
I've had my share of those
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold

I could try and point the finger
But the glass points in my direction
Sure you've got your sharp edges
But my wounds are for my own reflection
You've got nothing I could ever hold against you
I've got fatal flaws to call my own
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold

I met a man who's looking for perfection
Said he'd never met a girl who's good enough
His eyes are getting old like they'd love to love again
Such a lonely man
Such a lonely man

I see him in my reflection
Taking steps towards me these days
So I hold you that much closer
And pray we don't throw this away
It's not that I'm a man who couldn't love you
I know what these arms are for
Please don't go
Please don't leave me alone
A mirror is so much harder to hold
A mirror is so much harder to hold
Please don't go
Please don't leave me cold
A mirror is so much harder to hold