Last week, Mina and I were in CA visiting family. Lack of internet and a dying computer meant a short break from blogging but now I'm back and have a lot to talk about. Life has been a little crazy lately. I'm starting work again which means getting used to being away from Mina (spoilers: it didn't take much getting used to). We've also been traveling and taking care of things I should have done months ago. And I am feeling a little overwhelmed. Then I got frustrated I was stressed. If I'm this busy when I am at home taking care of Mina, what is going to happen when I add work on top of that?
Despite being a little jet-lagged I got myself (and my family) out of bed on Sunday and went to church. Exactly what we talked about is a little foggy but we got a little stress test where life events in the past year equal a certain amount of stress points. I think the top of the list is death of a spouse then it goes all the way down to vacations and Christmas. You write down the points as you go down the list and total them up at the end. Anyway, I went down the list and realized I was marking a lot of events for the past year. When I got to the end, my total was much higher than expected. I came to a realization: I have had a remarkably stressful year. I should be a little overwhelmed and worried. In the past 12 months, I have been pregnant, had a baby, moved, quit my job, found a new job, travelled on a plane with an infant and made changes in my diet and sleep habits several times. Maybe right now, I just need to breathe and let all that has happened sink in.
I think too often, I get so caught up in worrying about nothing and letting God take care of things that I just add more stress on top of the pile of events that I'm worrying about. But stress and worry are natural, human emotions and just a little bit can often prompt action that will make life better. Right now, I need to recognize that yes, my life is a little crazy. I do not have it all together but I don't have to. This uncertainty I'm feeling is normal. So I should breathe it in. I will learn to revel in the worries and dance through the stress because if I don't, I will be sending Mina off to college in 18 years wondering where the joyful part of motherhood went. The happy is found in the midst of the crazy when I'm trying to readjust a baby to Eastern time, when I'm wondering how I could have known to add Mina's name to a daycare waitlist before I knew she existed, when I'm desperately hoping my first paycheck comes in before I have to pay rent.
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