On Destiny and Fate(bringer)

Last year I finally gave in and decided we could buy a Playstation. We had done well with budgeting and ended up with some extra money so we called it an early Father's Day present (this was in May). For Father's Day, I told Ben he could preorder this game called Destiny which he had been pestering me about. In July we played the beta and got the full game in September. Ben was ecstatic and I was happy he was happy. Little did I know this little game would end up being a present for me.
Destiny is a multiplayer game and you can join clans (fancy word for groups). Ben found Dads of Destiny right away and I was sad I had no friends but then we came across Dames of Destiny, so I joined. At first, it was a little awkward. I'd never played multiplayer before and had very little other gaming experience... I was not very good. Would anyone even want to play with me? After about a week in the clan, I had an opportunity to find out. I felt like I kept dying and wasn't helpful at all but we had fun. A few days later, she invited me to play again!!! I couldn't believe it (thanks Mori). This gave me the confidence to join groups on my own and even stream my subpar gameplay  for the world to see on the dames' twitch.
So many others built on this confidence along the way. That first stream I was so afraid of what people would say but chat was helpful and encouraging (thanks pyro, rah). And soooo many Dames spent hours trying to help me complete my first raid even though they didn't need it. Eventually, I realized I had made friends.
It was much more than killing some enemies and hoping for loot drops with other people. Even though most of these friends knew me as "duck" from my playstation account name, they knew when I'd had a bad day or when Mina (saucy) kept me up late. I finally found myself again. I wasn't "Mina's mom" or "the pastry lady"... I was Whitney/duck.
The past year, I have spent most days rushing from work to daycare, and spending a couple hours with Mina before bed. I don't get out much, not because I don't want to but because with a rambunctious 2 year old it simply isn't possible. Destiny has allowed me to make and spend time with friends without leaving the house. These friends have encouraged me to help me become a better player and, cheesy, as it sounds, a better person.
I began taking on a greater role in dames of destiny and streaming on the dames twitch more often. A crazy thing happened then; People actually wanted to watch me play. They gave me support and confidence. This overflowed into other areas of life as well.
It's hard to fully explain what happened when I started playing Destiny. I guess it can best be found in the name of this blog - of Pastry and Pacifiers. Somewhere along this crazy journey of parenthood, my life had became just those 2 things. I was just running around overwhelmed by job and family and I lost myself along the way. The friends I made through playing this game gave me an identity back. Now it is a lot less running around, but instead learning to appreciate and enjoy each part of my life (on the good days at least - I'm not perfect). I can't help but wonder if those first 4 months with just a baby waiting for Ben to come home would have been less of a blur had I been gaming then. I can't go back now but I can recommend to any new mom to play video games. It sounds crazy but it is so important to remember that after a baby, you are still yourself. Parenting means you are almost never alone which ironically makes it incredibly lonely. Having friends you can talk to and depend on is so important. I hardly realized my busy life had led me to lose touch with friends until I found some new friends through Destiny. I love being a mom, a wife, and a pastry chef but those titles are hardly enough to describe me. Thanks Destiny and all my fellow guardians for reminding me of that. Fellow parents, try not to forget you are more than just "mom" or "dad."

Work and Play

A new post is long overdue. As I sit here writing, Mina and Ben are both upstairs asleep and it feels like I'v been transported back to a year ago when this was the normal day, when I craved these special moments to myself. Now, I can't wait for the rest of the family to get up so we can spend time together. With Ben and I working opposite schedules, this isn't something that happens often.
Earlier this week, I thought about whether I would like to go back to taking care of Wilhelmina full-time. That isn't an option for us right now but I wonder if it were, would I take it. If we could afford for me to stay home, we could also afford a daycare closer to our works so I wouldn't have to be in such a panicked rush to pick Mina up on-time each day. I do not know which one I would choose. I love spending time with my sweet baby girl but watching an active one-year-old all day is exhausting. And I really do love my job even if I don't always enjoy the day-to-day and getting up at 5 am. I want to be a great mom, but I would also like to keep making delicious pastries. I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive. I just need to make days like today, when we are all together as a family, really count. Last week we went to the zoo which Mina loved. Maybe today we will go down to the cherry blossoms. So in the interest of making today count, I am going to get my family up and we are going to do something fun. Hopefully it won't be as long before the next post.

Big Shoes

It's been awhile since I've written, probably not since the restaurant opening. I have been so busy and any waking moment not at work I have wanted to spend with Mina. But this morning finds both of us at home watching the Rose Parade. I think this year is going to have a tough time living up to the year before it. The highlight of 2013 was, of course, Mina but it was good to us in other ways too. I got a new job. We visited family and friends in both Florida and California. So many other little things have piled up to make this year truly amazing despite the struggles of parenthood. Last night as I was reflecting on the past year, I realized how blessed I have been with some great years. Looking back, my first memory(ies) of every year for at least the past five is a positive one.
2013: Mina!
2012: Found out Mina was coming, graduated from L'Academie de Cuisine
2011: Moved to the DC area, started culinary school, got real jobs
2010: Started the year with a trip to London, ended with my wedding
2009: Got engaged
And it goes on like this. Year after year of good memories. I know I don't yet have that many years to look back on. Some years can truly be difficult and negative all year long, I'm sure. But I think that even the worst years must have something good in them. So in 2014, I want to focus on those things. I doubt this year will be as good as the last but I have high hopes.

Here are some favorite 2013 memories:

February 9

Ted's with the family

Father's Day Pint and Half-pint

Disney World

CA for Great Grandma's Birthday

Remember Me?

Hi, I'm still here. I really do want to keep up the blog so everyone can know all the exciting things happening in our lives and watch Mina grow. I think as my work schedule becomes more regular, it will be easier to find time to write. The past couple weeks have been a little crazy as we are trying to open in a week or two. I anticipate the next few weeks will be busy too. But this week has been a nice lull, the calm before the storm I guess. So what haven't I shared?
I don't think I ever mentioned anything from Mina's visit to California way back in September. Mina was the perfect present for her Great Grandma's birthday. We were able to spend a lot of time with family which was great and Mina helped her newly engaged Aunt take engagement photos and look at wedding venues. Mina was incredibly spoiled with all sorts of new toys and clothes and there was never a shortage of people to hold and play with her. She impressed everyone with her awesome crawling skills and figured out how to climb over a small ledge while we were there. Highlights from the week were swimming with Grandpa, visiting Noah's Ark exhibit at the Skirball Center, and playing in Great Grandma and Grandpa's family room every morning (except when she toppled and bumped her head on the tile). The week ended up going by way sooner than I expected and we didn't get a chance to see everyone we wanted to. This means we will have to go out again soon and hopefully Ben can come too next time. I think the best way to share all the fun Mina had is through pictures: